My soul is weeping

By now most people in the world would've heard about the cruel destruction of the Garden City Christchurch in New Zealand by the deadly quake on Tuesday 22 February.

Following is an account of my actions and thoughts in that harrowing afternoon four days ago. Please be aware it is long, personal and emotional. Read it ONLY if you want to.


It was a lazy Tuesday. Having worked on Sunday and submitted the job with very tight deadline on Monday, I was trying to relax as well as catching up with editing and uploading some pictures to my photo albums. Having uploaded a lot, I closed the image viewer program, went off to the kitchen to fix some tea and toast for lunch, came back to the lounge/home office and opened Opera to check news.

As expected, there wasn't much happening in my neck of woods. I finished my lunch and finishing my cup of tea when the Encyclopaedia of New Zealand Te Ara tweeted,
'Another earthquake has hit Christchurch… waiting for more information #eqnz'

Oh, another "massive" aftershock that turned out only big enough to break some shop windows, was my first thought. But then Geonet NZ tweeted,
'Quake: mag 6.3, Tue, Feb 22 2011 12:51 pm (NZDT), http://geonet.org.nz/3468575g 10 km south-east of Christchurch'

Magnitude 6.3 is bigger than most of the aftershocks since the 7.1 in September, but still less than a 1/10 of the big one in terms of energy released. Shouldn't be that bad, though the close distance to the city is worrying, I thought. I tried to get to the Geonet page but had to wait some time before the server returned the updated page content. The map showed the epicentre under the port hill right behind the port town of Lyttleton, and the depth of only 5km!

I felt a knot in my stomach. I grew up in Japan. I know how deadly a relatively small quake can be if shallow and right under a city. Still 6.3 was not as big as the 6.8 of the Great Hanshin Awaji Quake Disaster of 1996 that destroyed the city of Kobe and killed nearly 6500 people

By the time I came back from Geonet site, Twitter had several more tweets from the media, though the reports linked were still sketchy other than this quake was indeed "massive". The scale of devastation did not hit me until I saw kiwi photographer Rob Suisted tweet, 'TV3 coverage on TV now of quake. Stunned people. Terrible #eqnz' and turned the TV on.

The images on TV for a minute or so after coming on did not look so bad. People are alive, walking, not many had blood on, some piles of rubbles by the street. Then the TV showed the scene of a man with a leg injury being interviewed, disrupted by the screams and shouts in background. The camera panned, and showed the crumbling spire of the ChristChurch Cathedral, the icon and symbol of the City of Christchurch. My head went empty.

I followed the coverage for some time, but was unable to process what I was seeing. Graphic images of a collapsed building, a group of people on a big pile of rubble presumably trying to rescue someone trapped. More similar images at different location. I could hear the voices of field reporters and the news reader in the studio both shaking and breaking. My hands were cold. A lump in my throat and a big tight knot in my stomach. My eyes were hot.

I don't know how long I was like that. I finally took my eyes off TV and my attention back to the Web. I had subscribed the Civil Defence tweet for some time, and they were now issuing periodical updates of the situation. The "unofficial" NZ Police tweets also delivered news of their update. There were some discrepancies between the media coverage and CD or Police information.

Then I belatedly realised the quake related tweets all bore the #eqnz hashtag. The tweets coming in with #eqnz were truly chaotic. Again some tweets seemed wrong (Chch Hospital is closed! Not true!!) or outdated, without citing the source of information. Without thinking much, I tweeted the info I saw on NZ police website about the triage centres with the #eqnz hashtag. I knew I don't have many followers on Twitter. But still, even if only one person spotted my tweet and passed on, it might help someone.

I kept monitoring updates on the Civil Defence, NZ Police, and later the Canterbury Earthquake website by the Environment Canterbury, and kept tweeting or retweeting what I thought the most important info, such as locations of the triage centres and welfare centres and transport status. I saw one of a known kiwi web critic tweeted to warn inaccuracy of some of the tweets, and someone else replied to use the #src hastag when the source of information is confirmed. I started adding #src to my tweets and was encouraged seeing it RTed or MTed.

Meanwhile the TV screen kept delivering the horrific reality happening in this country real time to my safe and quiet lounge. My dad rang from Japan. I told him, I'm safe. Didn't even feel it. and hang up. We had been told not to use the phone unless emergency. I was busy checking the info and tweeting. And I didn't want him to know I was almost in tears. I used to live in Christchurch. I spent my first two years in NZ there studying and having great adventures. It was nearly 20 years ago, but 20 years is a mere moment in Geological time. That could have been me under the rubble. And why did this have to happen to Christchurch, where no major earthquake had been on record until last September? Why not here in Wellington, or Hawkes Bay, where previously suffered severe earthquake damages?

I went on like that, with TV on and constantly checking the official web sites and tweeting with shaky hands, stopping at times to wipe away tears and blowing nose. I lost the sense of time. Forgot to have dinner until my cat complained at 8pm. Only managed a couple of toast.

A UK based psychologist who worked on the previous September quake tweeted, 'Recommend limiting exposure to repeated viewing of ChCh coverage, no matter how much you want to see it. Step away from the screen #eqnz'. An excellent advice, but very difficult to implement. It took me over an hour before I could finally turn my laptop off after tweeting,
'I'm going off line shortly. My thoughts are with you, Christchurch, and my soul is weeping. Be strong.'

Join the Conversation

  1. You are totally right, DH. Everything about this quake disaster seems completely unfair. I wrote this in a hope that writing about it and sharing here would give me some outlet. I feel somewhat better right now. But not sure how long it lasts.I've been feeling this urge that I have to do something. I've put an appeal for donation to Red Cross at blog top, made a small donation myself and written about it here. Now what else do I do? Start spamming my friends inboxes and blogs with the donation appeal? :confused:

  2. I would recommend not spamming, even though well meant, its not a good thing to do. If they wish to they will see it, if they wish to they will donate.

  3. The problem with this sort of disaster is that it is totally random, as humans we have to have a reason for bad things to happen but there isnt one, so we are shocked and bewildered with no outlet.

  4. OK. I thought so, too. But I'm a bit out of control at the moment. I spammed back some spam comments elsewhere and had to delete it when Tamil pointed it out. I will be careful. Promise :knight:

  5. :p A bit windy for my liking ATM. I've got the trimmer back from shop fixed. Will run it at back a bit later. 😉

  6. Absolutely… Physical work that requires almost no use of the brain at all and yet is highly rewarding, cutting grass, cleaning bathrooms, these simple pastimes have seen me through a few rough spots 😀

  7. I like the smell of two stroke exhaust in late summer afternoon. :DOriginally posted by darkesthour:

    cleaning bathrooms,

    I hope you are not intending to list every single household chore I've overlooked :irked:

  8. Originally posted by mimi_s_mum:

    I like the smell of two stroke exhaust in late summer afternoon.

    Sounds like a film quote :DI was talking about my own bathroom :yes:

  9. Of course :lol:OK, I think it's time to fill up my trimmer with the two-stroke mix for a backyard victory. 😀 Thank you for the chat, DH. Have a good afternoon. TTFN

  10. My heart goes out to you and all those who have lost so much in this quake. Everything DH said above seems spot on to me. Besides the manual work, which is really, really good, it might be good to do a bit of tramping, too. Get a work out while immersed in peaceful surroundings, take in a few of the beautiful vistas.

  11. Oh, Mimi's Mum, I'm so sorry. I can understand your thoughts very well. There are existential anxieties that come out there. Similar fears I had at that time on 11.09.2001 in the terrorist attacks in New York. Perhaps it can not really compare, because of these terror was indeed made by human hands, but I had the feeling that it can happen everywhere and I felt paralyzed and affected personally. Just as it is on this terrible earthquake in Christchurch. I am with you in mind. I hope I've properly expressed in English and you understand what I mean. Nature is just much more powerful than humans and it shows us with powerful storms, hurricanes, earthquakes how powerless, helpless and little we are.

  12. Thank you very much for your kind words, Deb. I'll take your advice and go out for a walk tomorrow with my camera. :)I felt a little better this afternoon whacking the daylight out of the overgrown weeds at top of my section. (Mixture of crushed grass and two stroke exhaust indeed smelt like victory :D) I think Arwen has been trying to distract me as well, by a range of antics from repeatedly jumping up on that tree and romping up on the roof to depositing wet sausages of crushed cicada and cat food right outside the kitchen door just where I'd put my foot on when I step out :yuck:

  13. "My dad rang from Japan. I told him, I'm safe." <3I'm so glad to read this, but am so sorry to hear of all the devastation and loss. thank you for sharing from your heart and experience.

  14. Originally posted by mimi_s_mum:

    depositing wet sausages of crushed cicada and cat food right out of the kitchen door just where I'd put my foot on when I step out

    Ahhh… the joys of pet ownership. Today I had to use scissors to cut out a mat of hair on my dog's hiney that had poop stuck in it. Lovely. :coffee:

  15. Angelika, thank you again for your care and support. This was something I needed to write. As DH said, we humans cannot possibly make sense of the doings of such incredible forces of nature. But it is also natural for us, you, me and everyone else, to feel for the sufferings of others, to sympathise. I appreciate very much your sympathising with me. It helps me a lot. It was a strange coincidence that you mentioned the 9/11. That was the last time a disaster/atrocity on a mass scale made me in tears. Maybe seeing it on TV screen again and again has indeed a strong negative effect on your mind. During the 1996 Hanshin quake that killed so many people in Kobe and the surrounds, the coverage we had in NZ was very limited and I was spared of such exposures. Fortunately the TV crew must feel the same way, they are now showing more news of happy reunions, unsung heroes and the community spirits helping each other. You can always find some great people in a NZ community. 🙂

  16. Originally posted by darkesthour:

    so we are shocked and bewildered with no outlet.

    Building our own sorrow is a way to have a mark to know where we are. But there was enough pain and distress by now. DH is right, change your mind; the Christchurch you likes is still in you. Try to find someone of that time and share that pain as you wanted to do with that post.Be the MM we know , friendly and amusing, don't look too much for grief on TV, you have had enough. Today is another day, rescued workers are organized, wounded people receive good treatment, you are in a land where solidarity exists and is well organized.And above all try to sleep, but there is no rules, get up if you need it, there is always something here, and go back have some rest again.

  17. Ooh , a typo error of mine "the Christchurch you like is still in you" not "the Christchurch you likes is still in you" . Whatever the meaning, just find the force to go on. I just hope I hurted no one ?

  18. Originally posted by arduinna:

    the Christchurch you likes is still in you.

    the temple of God is within men who know the One who sets freea terrific loss… Haggai 2:1-4, especially Haggai 2:4 prayers go up for survivors and those families of those who lost their lives

  19. Thank you for your support, Olivier. This tragedy has broken the heart of New Zealand. We are all grieving. And grieving has to take its course and complete its process, which takes time and energy. There will be ups and downs for all of us, including me. I do intend to write about the great time I had in Christchurch, and about the great kiwi spirit.@JillThank you for your prayers.

  20. 😆 Funny that. Considering neither of us is actually a NZ citizen. 😀 Shows you the kiwi spirit is extremely contagious. ;)We will get through. That's a promise. 🙂

  21. Originally posted by mimi_s_mum:

    and about the great kiwi spirit

    I just discovered it from you and DH 🙂 !

  22. From the Ministry of Civil Defence & Emergency Management website

    Prime Minister John Key has launched the the Christchurch Earthquake Appeal, a global fundraiser for the recovery effort in the city and the Canterbury region. Mr Key said the Appeal was designed to complement those already established, such as the funds organised by the Red Cross and the Salvation Army. Donations can be made at http://www.christchurchearthquakeappeal.govt.nz

  23. Originally posted by mimi_s_mum:

    And grieving has to take its course and complete its process, which takes time and energy.

    a wise statement, thank you for stating this for us

  24. of course. thank you for including us in your experience. you've been through a lot.

  25. Talking about is helps me a lot in making sense of the incomprehensible. And the feedbacks from you and others also help me feel I'm at least doing something. Thank you for that, Jill.

  26. New Zealand will observe a two minutes silence tomorrow Tuesday 1 March at 12.51 NZ Daylight Saving Time (23.51, 28 February UTC) as a sign of unity for the people of Canterbury.

  27. Originally posted by mimi_s_mum:

    New Zealand will observe a two minutes silence tomorrow Tuesday 1 March at 12.51 NZ Daylight Saving Time (23.51, 28 February UTC) as a sign of unity for the people of Canterbury.

    In my thoughts as well :worried:

  28. And mine. 🙁 Just a thought: the 'quake in NZ, flooding in AUS, and other natural disasters around the world are more difficult to deal with, in general, because there is no one to blame. 🙁

  29. Originally posted by mimi_s_mum:

    (23.51, 28 February UTC) as a sign of unity for the people of Canterbury.

    At that time I will think here in Germany of you and the people of Canterbury.

  30. Thank you, Sami and Angelika. We all appreciate the support we are receiving from the rest of the world.You are right, Dennis. It is very difficult. On the other side of coin, we are also seeing how strong the human spirits can shine through such darkness, stories of how ordinary people stepped up and helped others. The media are actually doing a good job.

  31. Originally posted by mimi_s_mum:

    strong the human spirits can shine through such darkness, stories of how ordinary people stepped up and helped others.

    wonderful news, the love for others

  32. Things like this define the difference between human decency and some very low creatures, there are people looting and burgling peoples house there, which I think is probably getting close to as low as it is possible to get. Yet others open their homes to the homeless and share their food with the hungry.

  33. Someone said on TV, one positive thing coming out from this tragedy was his kids saw so many stories about ordinary people going extra distance to help other and learnt about the caring human spirits, like DH's comment about people opening up their homes, or these guys that bake cakes and muffins and take baking to the police and rescue workers every day, and those students volunteer army helping with clean ups in suburbs.

  34. Yes. He's cute :DI also like Evelyn. Great facial expressions. You'd know instantly she's someone you can trust. :yes:

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